The Blessing of Disruption

From the couch I heard our coffee pot brewing and could taste my day old breath. I lay there with a sweaty baby across my chest, my legs sticky behind the knees with yesterday’s humidity and hair growth, laundry covering the living room floor, and wearing jean shorts. I wanted my coffee but dreaded the sight of our kitchen. I’m sure I pushed through, but it was all a blur. 

5 Heart Healing Ways to Find Joy & Peace While Waiting for Your Baby

Today, I am 40 LONG weeks PLUS 3 (going on 4!) days pregnant with our second baby. It feels more like 40 years. This entire pregnancy, I thought baby would follow big sister’s footsteps and come early. This expectation has made the last few days and weeks crawl like molasses in Antarctica.

The “good” thing about impatience with respect to labor

What Our Stress Says About Us

I sat outside soaking in the early spring morning, Bible in my lap, on my second Mother’s Day of being a mom. My hidden entitlement told me this was my day. I sought an affirmation from God- to be applauded for my work as a mom and receive a word of encouragement to start my day. Instead, Hebrews 4:16 

Harassment By A Thousand Cuts

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” ~ Isaiah 43: 18-19 

My husband and I are coming out of some weekend. You know it’s crazy when you lay your head down Sunday night and think, at least tomorrow is Monday.

It was one thing after another. On Saturday, while my husband surfed, someone stole his backpack and flip flops. The car keys were in his backpack, so I worried when he’d return to the beach with the spare, there would be no car to greet him. Thankfully, that was not the case.

We dodged a bullet, but it nicked us, it felt like a paper cut- annoying. 

The rest of the day, we kept losing items around the house, adding frustration to both of us. More nicks. Tension was rising.

A Reboot of Courage

“May Your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.” Psalm 119:76

I know there is greatness to be had in this life, I want it, but I don’t do what it takes to get there. I settle. I don’t push myself beyond what is safe- does that mean that I’m not trusting God? Do I trust God only to a certain limit? Just don’t disrupt too much, things are manageable.

I feel conflicted because I know I am made for greatness. We all are. We are all made in God’s image and He wants to use our lives in great ways for His Kingdom and His glory. I’m all for it! …in theory. Although, once my faith muscle begins to stretch, I want to retract.

My Nesting Compulsion

My husband and I are expecting our second child next month and I have completely lost track of this pregnancy. Between my husband’s busy work schedule, my personal work opportunities, and trying to wear out a toddler (to maximize nap time), I found myself eight months pregnant and unprepared. Without strong jabs to my ribs and the app on my phone reminding me of an odd food my baby matches in weight, I would forget completely. By the way, baby has successfully grown from leek to cantaloupe size.

Then we hit April. April?! Baby is due in May!

This realization launched my nesting into overdrive. Eight months of preparation crammed into three days.  

When 20,000 Stories Collided

I’ve had the privilege of helping our church start its middle school and high school ministries, despite my lack of big picture thinking and detailed planning. It’s two months young and there was a night of Christian concerts, Winterjam in Raleigh, on our schedule since before it began. Amazingly, twenty people were interested in spending twelve hours together! Our getting-to-know-each-other group was willing to pack into vans for over five of those hours and parents were willing to pick them up at 2 am when we’d arrive home. Awesome! This was going to happen.

The week of the trip, I prayed a lot! God, work out all the details, give me wisdom to lead this group, show me what I need to do to prepare. My prayers started off composed, then morphed into a cry of the heart- just don’t let me lose anyone!

His Life, Your Rescue, Your Worth

What’s so good about Good Friday? I don’t like thinking about the brutality of what Jesus went through. It’s even harder for me to fathom His Father not interfering. Why wouldn’t He? At least make it less painful! Hinder His nervous system so Jesus won’t register pain, tangle the whip on something, quiet every voice, disrupt the agony.

God allowed this torture and death to take place, that’s hard to grasp. There must have been a more important outcome than Jesus’ comfort or rescue.

When You Face Confusion or Self Destruction

Confusion, self destruction… this is where I have been. The first few years out of college I realized the source- it was not a specific event, but a slow, gentle slide to this tough place.

Throughout high school, college, and the first few years of my career, I was confused about where my life was headed. I wanted to know my ‘calling,’ what my life should look like and how I should spend my time. What major and career was the best fit for me? Where did my passion and strength intersect? What was I even passionate about??? Utter confusion.

So I naturally looked to where I performed better than average, where people complimented me the most, what people said and thought about me. I ended up following the compliments of others to “tell me” where I should lead my life. This is very different

How To Fight the Drift and Live Your Life Intentionally

I’m a little embarrassed to say that this year was the first year that I set life goals for myself. I had plenty of goals I wandered into such as graduate high school, get into college, don’t fail college courses. As an adult they sound more like don’t go into debt, save this amount of money, and run specific races and times. But these just weren’t cutting it anymore. They weren’t enough in my day to day living.

I needed purpose in every area of my life. 

As a new stay at home mom, I quickly saw how everything and everyone else could dictate my life- kids sleep schedules, play schedules, mommy dates, feeding times… days went by